So much has been said and written this week about the deaths
of Robin Williams and Michael Brown. I
hesitate to write more. Yet I have seen
very little written that makes any connection between these two heartbreaking
events. I think there is a
connection. Both deaths have brought to
light pain that often remains silent.
The suicide
of Robin Williams brought to light the fact that even among the most successful
there can be pain. Looking at the world
we often envy the rich, the famous, the successful. We imagine that their lives might be
cushioned from some of the pain and sorrow of the world. To be sure they need not worry about where
their next meal is coming from or about where they are going to sleep away from
the elements. Materially they are doing
well. When compared with the suffering endured by the hungry, the displaced,
the refugees in war-torn countries, the suffering of the well-off may seem
minimal. It would do us well not to try
and compare human suffering in ways that minimize the very real pain of persons
regardless of their social, economic or cultural status. Robin Williams suffered. He was in pain and the pain overtook him, overcame
him. In pain, he ended his life.
The
psychoanalyst Michael Eigen has said, “there is no trauma-free world, no
trauma-free space in real time.” We all
experience pain in our lives, in one way or another. We experience loss. We experience grief. We experience disappointment. Our task is to try and find constructive ways
to deal with it. It is not always an
easy task.
Obviously,
not all pain gets dealt with constructively.
We would not call suicide a constructive response to the pain in life,
though making judgments about a suicide after the fact is pointless, and can even
be rather heartless. After a suicide, we
need to find constructive responses to the pain of those grieving. We need to mourn and celebrate the life that
has been ended.
In
Ferguson, Missouri there seems to be some non-constructive response to
pain. Protests can be a constructive
response to social pain. Looting is
not. But make no mistake about it, the
death of 18 year-old Michael Brown, an unarmed African-American, shot by a
white police officer, has revealed deep pain in our society. There is pain and anger associated with
injustice. This pain and anger is deeply
rooted in our history. There are details
to this case that continue to come to light, and we will learn more in the days
ahead. What we know now is that an
unarmed 18 year-old is dead, shot by a police officer in the line of duty. It has brought out of silence deep pain
rooted in the history of race relations in our country.
Thinking
about this pain that we don’t always see, but that has come to light in recent
days, I think about some of these wise words.
All tremble at violence; all fear
death. Seeing others as being like
yourself, you should neither harm nor kill.
All tremble at violence; life is held dear by all. Seeing others as being like yourself, you
should neither harm nor kill.
(Buddha, The Dhammapada,
129-130)
Sometimes we feel that we are barely pulling
ourselves forward through a tight tunnel on badly scraped-up elbows. But we do come out the other side, exhausted
and changed. It would be great if we
could shop, sleep, or date our way out of this.
Sometimes we think we can, but it feels that way only for a while. To heal, it seems we have to stand in the
middle of the horror, at the foot of the cross, and wait out another’s
suffering where that person can see us. To be honest, that sucks. (Anne Lamott, Stitches, 10)
Seeing that
all experience pain, we need to muster the courage to stand with the
hurting. It is not always easy. Sometimes it just plain sucks. We should seek to do no harm. We should develop gentle souls. We should seek to be healers.
With Faith and With Feathers,
David
