Earlier this month, “Dear Abby” ran a series of letters in which readers shared their thoughts about “society’s greatest problem.” On February 6, the following remarks were printed in one letter: In my opinion organized religion has a lot to do with why the world is so badly messed up. Although most religions espouse values of kindness, generosity and good works, in practical application, it seems that religion is used most often to divide “them” from “us” and to give people yet another way to discriminate against one another…. If people were more concerned with doing the right things in this world, rather than preoccupying themselves with what is going to happen in the next one, our world would be a better place. Signed: Kim in Columbus, Ohio.

As a clergy person – and you probably don’t get much more entrenched in “organized religion” than that – you might expect me to quickly jump to the defense of the religious establishment. I would like to offer some hopeful words on religion, but I need to begin by acknowledging the heartbreaking truth in this woman’s words.

Awhile back, I was visiting with a family before a funeral. The person who had passed away was elderly. I say that only to let you know that there was some room for moments of lighter conversation amidst the grief that is present no matter the age of the person who dies. At one point in the conversation, in reply to something that was said, I uttered the words, “I don’t do guilt and shame very well.” Someone in the room replied quickly, “Then you are in the wrong profession.”

More recently, I was meeting with a family about a funeral for their son/brother, who died unexpectedly at age 37. He left behind an 11-year old son. The family did not have an active relationship with my church, or with any church. But during the conversation, they did mention that they were hoping my words would be positive ones. They were concerned that I might tell them all they were going to hell.

Guilt, shame, judgmentalism, punishment, accepting things without asking questions – for too many people, this has been their experience of religion. I have to admit that most of the people I know for whom hell is an important part of their belief system know that they are not going there. That makes hell something they believe in for other people. At their worst, religions have treated those they believed destined for hell in ways that make hell seem more real.

I do not want to avoid thinking about the theological symbolism involved in judgment. We need to be discerning persons. We need to make important judgments in life. Nor do I deny the reality of wrongdoing, sin, evil – and there may be such a thing as healthy guilt when one has done something that is genuinely wrong and hurtful. But these are minor chords in the Christian faith I know, and that is the religion I can speak most intelligibly about. It is the only faith I can speak from the inside. When I encounter people who are not actively involved in a faith community, more often than not, they are not people who never were part of such a community, they are people who were a part of one, but experienced the dark side of religion – the side more concerned with guilt and shame and judgmentalism than with faith, hope, love, beauty, truth, goodness, justice, forgiveness and reconciliation.

At its best, religious faith brings out the best and most profound in the human person and the human community. The day I met with the family of the 37 year old who had died was Ash Wednesday. That night, I placed small crosses in ash on the hands or foreheads of people who came to worship. My hands blackening with the ash, I smudged them and said, “Remember you were created out of dust.” Not very cheery words, to be sure, but I felt them deep in my bones that night. Somehow when we think about that, the precious gift of life and its brief span, it often calls forth kindness and gentleness. The small petty disturbances of life recede into the background. The small hurts are easily forgiven, and we are more determined to work on the big ones, knowing that we don’t have forever. Recalling our finitude, our creation out of dust, can have a beneficial effect. That is not automatic, but Christian faith, at its best, helps us recall our finite existence in such a way that we are also encouraged to live more lovingly, kindly, gently, patiently. We are invited to live that way in this life and trust that the next life, whatever that may be like will take care of itself.

So Kim in Columbus, and to many others like you, on behalf of one religion, Christianity, I am sorry that you have seen us at our worst. When we are, we can mess up the world badly. Religion can have a deleterious effect on persons and communities. But when we are at our best, we can do a great deal of good. We can help the world be more loving and just and kind. Words like yours can help us to be and do better.

With Faith and With Feathers,

David